Pornography Literacy and People with Developmental Disabilities
Read Part 1 of this series here.
Respond, don’t react is a great strategy for dealing with anything unexpected …even pornography.
I remember having a conversation with my son about pornography when he was 17 years old. I was on our family computer and found porn. Upon seeing those images, all I could think was, does he think all partners want this? After gathering myself to have a conversation with him, I wanted to convey that many partners don’t want what you saw and to ask before doing anything with a partner.
While it’s not our job as professionals to impose our values on the people we work with (it is the job of parents), many people feel strongly about pornography. It can challenge our values at best or create strong, visceral reactions at worst, impeding our ability to respond productively. The article intends to open up the conversation and offer new perspectives, not be a thorough exploration of all the implications of pornography.
Marty Klein, the author of “His Porn, Her Pain,” describes our reaction as “Porn Panic.” When we feel panicky, we react, and as soon as we react, we stop the conversation that could happen and needs to happen.
Understandably, there are many fears about pornography, such as it will cause violent behaviors or rape, lead to an addiction, or cause your libido or sexual functioning to stop. However, research tells us that these thoughts and ideas are untrue. Numerous studies have found that an increase in access to pornography actually decreases sex crimes. Porn addiction has not been considered a diagnosis within the clinical community and doesn’t have the qualities of other addictions, such as an increase in dosage and withdrawal symptoms. Lastly, a U.S. National Institute of Health (NIH) study found that increased porn usage does not result in increased rates of erectile dysfunction.
That said, there are still other issues and consequences of pornography use we need to address. As parents, we may struggle with simply accepting our children as sexual beings who may look at and use porn. We may think we did something wrong and our child is bad for watching porn. But, if we can see an upside at all, perhaps the prevalence of pornography is pushing us to begin talking openly about sex.
This is where porn literacy can help. According to Naomi Hutchings, porn literacy is “a framework where people can critically examine and make sense of the sexual images they see.” It’s a perspective that can help bridge the gap between reacting and responding.
Additionally, when people with developmental disabilities see these images, they may believe pornography is real-life sex. This is another example of why porn literacy is an important part of your toolbelt.
Here are some ways to apply porn literacy with the people you work with:
Find the meaning behind the behavior.
Whether you’re a professional or a parent, stop and take a deep breath before approaching. Try to figure out why the person is watching pornography and find the meaning behind the behavior. Ask yourself:
- Is it for stimulation?
- Is it to learn about sex?
- Is it because they are very lonely?
- Is it because they feel connected to the people in the porn?
Then, once you have a hypothesis to work with, problem-solve from there.
Give positive messages.
I firmly believe in giving positive messages about sex and sexual relationships. I also believe we want to let people know it is okay to be curious about sex. Conversations about pornography can open the door to related topics that are important and often sidestepped. Pornography shows many types of sex that aren’t just heterosexual sex in the missionary position. This can lead to a more inclusive conversation for people exploring different behaviors and receiving validation for their sexual orientation.
Knowledge is always power.
What facts do people with developmental disabilities need to know about porn?
- Pornography with children in it is illegal.
- Don’t download or watch porn with minors because you can get in trouble.
- Adult pornography is for people who are 18 or older.
If you’re looking at porn, there is important information for you to know:
- Just like the movies and television, porn isn’t real. It is made to entertain and increase a person’s sexual feelings.
- The actors rehearse and practice these scenes, using certain camera angles and lighting to make them look real.
- The actors are paid and wouldn’t be doing it for free.
- Most people don’t have sexual parts like porn stars have.
- Some vulva illustrations on the Scarleteen website are more realistic.
- Plus, Scarleteen covers the average size of a penis as well.
- Most people do not have sex like the sex in porn.
- Partners are moaning to increase the viewers’ sexual feelings. Not everyone will moan like a porn star.
- Sometimes in porn, people don’t ask each other or get consent. In real life, people make sure to get consent and need to get consent. It’s the law.
- Porn leaves out lots of parts of being sexual, like kissing, hugging, touching, giggling, and telling each other what you like and don’t like.
Let’s not be afraid of pornography. Let’s use it to have open and honest conversations about what it is instead. Try not to react to porn or someone’s use of porn. As I have said before to many parents and providers, if we don’t teach healthy sexuality, something else will teach unhealthy sexuality, like the media and pornography. We can help people with developmental disabilities understand the images they are seeing and how to have healthy relationships.
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, is the Founder, CEO, and Lead Trainer for Elevatus Training. As a national expert on sexuality and I/DD, she trains professionals, parents, and individuals to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators. Contact Katherine at elevatustraining.com.